Differences in the desire for sex, the so-called sexual appetite, are more the rule than the exception in partnerships. Depending on the size of the difference in desire between the partners, this imbalance has a high potential for dissatisfaction with the partnership, because of the sexual Needs of a partner may remain chronically underserved.
Partnership test as a way to help yourself
Therapeutic help is typically not used by the affected partners. By itself, however, the situation worsens over time rather than improving. Psychologists in the project Theratalk at the Institute of Psychology of the University of Göttingen therefore developed a new opportunity for self-help in several years of work: a partnership test, which is an addition to the proven partnership test "Sexual Desires".
Combined, these two partnership tests are an instrument that can be used to find ways to re-create more desire and to better deal with existing differences in pleasure in a simple way, without the involvement of a therapist. With the very detailed partnership test "more pleasure" improvement possibilities can be identified, which can be easily implemented by the partners. For example, it discusses typical behaviors that can make or prevent pleasure, as well as personal hygiene or the handling of characteristic anti-pleasure factors.
Study on sexual aversion
An accompanying study looked at how often partnerships pose a problem when one of the partners has little or no desire for sex and how well the partners manage to solve it themselves. The investigation involved 10, 372 men and women who had been in partnership for an average of 10 years. The spectrum ranges from fresh-loving couples to couples who have already passed the golden wedding.
The results of the study
- For 65% of men and 54% of women, unevenly distributed sexual desire is a problem, as shown in the following graph:
Unequally distributed lust for sex: 65% of men and 54% of women find it a problem that one of the partners has less desire for sex than the other.
- Partners are usually struggling to deal with this problem: 87% of men and women who call unequally distributed lust as a problem are not satisfied with the way the partnership deals with it.
- These numbers show that it matters little that men are more likely (75%) than women (31%) to be sexier. The dissatisfaction hits both partners equally.
Unequally distributed sexual desire, according to the findings, is a very common problem in partnerships. More than one in two partnerships is affected, and in most cases the problem can not be satisfactorily resolved by the unaided partners.